Joke No1
What is the difference between a banjo and a chain saw? A chain saw has a dynamic range.
 
 
Joke No2
What do lead trumpet players use for birth control? Their personality.
 
 
Joke No3
If you were lost in the woods, who would you trust for directions, an in-tune bagpipe player, an out of tune bagpipe player, or Santa [...]

Joke No1
How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin blindfolded? A. You don’t have to be very good to get people’s attention.
 
Joke No2
What do you call the folks who hang around the musicians at conservatories? Violists.
 
Joke No3
A BASS PLAYER walks into a very posh Rodeo Drive furrier with a gorgeous blonde on his arm. [...]

Joke No1
Why did the boy who rode his bike over a barbed wire fence miss his music lesson? Because he’d already done the sharps and flats.
 
Joke No2
What do you say to the bass player in the three piece suit? Will the defendant please rise.
 
Joke No3
What do you get if you throw a piano down a [...]

Joke No1
What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent? A snake in the brass!
 
Joke No2
1st man: “My neighbors were screaming and yelling at three o’clock this morning!” 2nd man: “Did they wake you?” 1st man: “Nah… I was up playing my bass guitar.
 
Joke No3
 
How many bass players does it take to [...]

Joke No1
Mom, why do you always stand by the window when I practice for my singing lessons?
I don’t want the neighbors to think I’m employing corporal punishment, dear.
Joke No2
What’s the definition of perfect pitch?
When an accordion is thrown down the toilet without it touching the sides.
Joke No3
What is the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and [...]

Joke No1
How many bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to screw it in, and one to complain that it’s electrified.
Joke No2
Conductor: Again from measure 5, if you please.
Voice from viola section: But Maestro, we have no measure numbers.
Joke No3
Why does everyone hate a banjo right off?
Saves time.
Joke No4
Tuba Player: [...]

Joke No1
What’s the definition of a nerd?
Someone who has his or her own alto clarinet.
Joke No2
Why do clarinettists leave their cases on the dashboard?
So they can park in the handicap zones.
Joke No3
What do you call a bass-clarinetist with half a brain?
Gifted.
Joke No4
is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into [...]

Joke No1
How many tuba players does it take to change a light bulb? Three: one to hold the bulb and two to drink until the room spins.
Joke No2
How do you fix a broken tuba? With a “tuba glue.”
 Joke No3
What do you call a male quartet? Three men and a tenor.
Joke No4
What is the difference between [...]

Joke No1
Why do drummers always have trouble entering a room?
They never know when to come in!
Joke No2
When a young hotshot conductor was making his debut at the Met, he showed the jaded and skeptical orchestra how well he know the music by singing all parts of the Lucia sextet during rehearsal. Afterwards, one musician was [...]

Joke No1
A musician calls the orchestra office. asks for the conductor and is told that he is dead.
The musician calls back 25 times more and gets the same message from receptionist.
She ask why he keeps calling.
“I just like to hear you say it.”
Joke No2
How many alto sax players does it take to change a light [...]